Instead of a long diatribe on how I wish I had the balls to finally kill myself, I thought I'd share with you some song lyrics. How about 'Ladies Who Lunch' since I mentioned that recently:

I'd like to propose a toast.

Here's to the ladies who lunch--
Everybody laugh.
Lounging in their caftans and planning a brunch
On their own behalf.
Off to the gym,
Then to a fitting,
Claiming they're fat.
And looking grim
'Cause they've been sitting
Choosing a hat--
Does anyone still wear a hat?
I'll drink to that.

Here's to the girls who stay smart--
Aren't they a gas?
Rushing to their classes in optical art,
Wishing it would pass.
Another long exhausting day,
Another thousand dollars,
A matinee, a Pinter play,
Perhaps a piece of Mahler's--
I'll drink to that,
And one for Mahler.

Here's to the girls who play wife--
Aren't they too much?
Keeping house but clutching a copy of Life
Just to keep in touch.
The ones who follow the rules
And meet themselves at the schools,
Too busy to know that they're fools--
Aren't they a gem?
I'll drink to them.
Let's all drink to them.

And here's to the girls who just watch--
Aren't they the best?
When they get depressed, it's a bottle of Scotch
Plus a little jest.
Another chance to disapprove,
Another brilliant zinger,
Another reason not to move,
Another vodka stinger--
Aaahh--I'll drink to that.

So here's to the girls on the go--
Everybody tries.
Look into their eyes and you'll see what they know:
Everybody dies.
A toast to that invincible bunch---
The dinosaurs surviving the crunch--
Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch--
Everybody rise! Rise!
Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!


My favorite bit of course is:

And here's to the girls who just watch--
Aren't they the best?
When they get depressed, it's a bottle of Scotch
Plus a little jest.
Another chance to disapprove,
Another brilliant zinger,
Another reason not to move,
Another vodka stinger--

Fuck.

It's funny. I have no reason to hate life. I'm fairly well-off. I have my health. I have intellect, perhaps even charm and looks.

And yet . . . here I am. Wishing it would just fucking end already.

Ah, well. C'est la vie.

And for those of you who might worry, don't. As I mentioned, I don't have the balls to do anything drastic. So I'll just keep on keeping on until this farce is finally over.

Most drastic I'll get is putting on Company and passing out. I should have mentioned that I've been basically drunk since noon-ish.

Here's to the ladies who brunch . . . .