Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Peace on earth and mercy mild

Every Christmas season, I have a goal. It doesn't involve getting my Christmas cards out on time (or even out period). It has nothing to do with not eating all the wonderful food my mom makes, or remembering to buy presents for everyone.

My goal is to avoid two songs: Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer and The Christmas Shoes. The first, because it is a grotesque reminder of everything that is wrong with the modern Christmas holiday. The second, because it is blatently bathetic in an "Oh Lord, I done learned me a lesson from a little kid, his dying mama, and Jesus" sort of way. (Seriously . . . the kid wants to buy a pair of shoes for his mother because he wants her to look beautiful "if Mama meets Jesus tonight." Ugh.).

The people who wrote, sang, and continue to play these songs deserve to be boiled in treacle and served flaming with a sprig of holly up their asses, while dogs bark Jingle Bells at them.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Anyway, for the first time in recent memory (and possibly since college), I didn't hear either song during the 10 weeks of Christmas (this year, the stores in my neighborhood had Christmas and Halloween decorations on sale at the same time). In fairness, I had to sprint out of the living room with my hands over my ears after hearing the intro of Grandma yesterday morning, but still, I consider it a victory.

Things are looking good for 2008. Got to remember to eat my black-eyed peas next Tuesday.

Friday, December 07, 2007

That time of year again

What do these people have in common?

Bill Hufsey, Brock Simpson, Ian Somerhalder, Dominic Monaghan, Matthew Laborteux, Teri Hatcher, Sinead O'Connor, Warren Cuccurullo, Kim Basinger, Sam Kinison, Bill Bryson, Gregg Allman, Flip Wilson, Sammy Davis, Jr.