Friday, September 26, 2003

Totally forgot to credit Mykull with the link below. The 'Apocalypse Now' cartoonist is a friend of his. I've seen a couple of her cartoons and think she's effing brilliant.

I've received mixed reviews (mostly good) on the beard. It's fucking itchy, but I'm sticking with it for now.

And funny thing happened today. I've been trying to shut off the constant negative feedback that I provide myself with every single second of every single day. Because, as you know, negativism is self-fulfilling. If I walk down the street saying to myself that I'm stupid-ugly-old (or whatever the anti-mantra of the day is); I will, of course, feel that way.

Stupid as it sounds, I sat around repeating "I'm in a good mood" and "I look good today" in my head. I tend to hate that sort of touchy-feely crap, but I read something on Margaret Cho's weblog today and . . . well, point being, I decided to try it.

And funny thing . . . I got cruised. Twice. Once by a nice looking guy who locked eyes with me and smiled. I smiled back.

The second time was right outside my building. And the guy was hot. Hot, I tell you! Black hair, black shirt and pants. Good build. Great face. And he locked eyes with me, too.

And after he passed, I turned back to look at him (following the three step rule) and he was looking back at me.

Naturally, I ran back to my building as fast as my little feet could carry me.

I'm taking baby steps into uncharted territory here, after all.

But the point is, I would never have even made eye contact before. It would never have occured to me that anyone would make eye contact with me.

My fear is that this is just a house of cards and my next dip into depression will destroy the little scraps of self-esteem that I'm pulling together . . . but as Scarlett says, I'll worry about that tomorrow.

After all, tomorrow is another day. And a rugby day, at that.

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