The next time I decide to go see some new gay independent film that comes out, I think I'll just take a $10 bill out of my pocket, shred it, then poke myself in the eye for an hour and a half. Because that would have to be a great deal more fun than sitting through the movie I just saw. The film was called 'Luster' and it was pretty darn bad. Maybe, and that is a big maybe, in college I could have sat through a piece of self-indulgent crap like that and have thought it was deep, or even interesting. Nowadays, it's just self-indulgent crap. The story is simple: Poetic Rebel Boy (PRB) works at record store and writes a 'zine, the title of which suggests Big Rock Star (BRS) is gay. Best Friend (BF) runs the store and pines for PRB, but subtly. Yuppie Stalker (YS) pines for PRB, in a not-so-subtle way. PRB pines for Pretty But Evil Boy (PBEB). BRS likes PRB's 'zine and hires PRB to help him write songs. Then there was something about a cousin, a couple of lesbians, one of the guys from Pansy Division, and a bunch of other stuff that didn't really matter much to the plot. Then BF kils himself because he can never be with PRB in the way he wants to. And PRB is so saddened by the loss of his friend and the startling revelation that PBEB is, well, pretty but evil, that he decides to settle for YS and maybe fall in love with him . . . you know, like, someday . . . hopefully. But in the meantime, YS has a great house and money so, you know, I guess it will be, like, okay.

Most of the actors seem to have gone to the Porno School of Acting, with the exception of Shane Powers (who played BF) and actually seemed not only to understand what he was saying, but attempted nuance and characterization. And disappointingly, the other exception was Willie Garson who I understand was on 'Sex and the City' as a nebbishy gay guy and is a veteran character actor. I've seen him in tons of tv and films. He's actually a very good actor who, overall, delivered his lines well. But he was frightfully miscast in this. BRS was supposed to be this kind of Moby-ish rock star (not that we ever hear any of his music, mind you), who you find out later to be this disgusting, horrible sadist. Garson, while good at the Moby-ish thing, couldn't pull off disgusting or horrible. Picture Woody Allen trying to play Hannibal Lechter. Not exactly the right analogy, but it will have to do.

But according to the promo stuff that I've read about 'Luster,' the movie is all about unrequited love. And here is what it says. If you are in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you should stalk them (YS). Or you should kill yourself (BF). Or you should sleep with him once and then send him back to the midwest (PRB and his cousin . . . don't ask, it isn't important). Or you should take him in, only to have him rape your cousin (PRB, PBEB and the cousin . . . again, don't ask, it isn't important). And once you've done all this, you give up your infatuation and settle on someone you don't love, but who stalked you. Healthy LA lifestyle.

Well, needless to say, I don't recommend this movie.