Pride Dance wasn't as horrible as I expected. The rugby guys were great, we made good money for the team and everyone seemed to have a good time. It was a long fucking day. But on the up side, I got a date out of it.

I only mention it, because I went out with the guy last night. This leads to my next discussion:

The Date From Hell
-or-
Parker Lewis Can't Win
-or-
Psycho Part Deux

As many of my friends will attest to, I tend to like younger guys. So I was somewhat psyched when I was hit on at the Pride Dance by a 22 year-old college student. He was a bit odd (he had recently done some stand-up comedy and was trying to use some of his routine while we were talking, but wasn't able to do it naturally so it was obvious what he was not being spontaneous) but kind of cute so I figured I'd ask him out. I mean, he'd made it clear he was into me so I thought it would be worth finding out more about him. So we made a date for Tuesday.

But then he said he also wanted to get together on Monday.

Okay, this raised some alarm bells, but I thought I'd still check it out.

Before our "date" on Monday, he left me 5 messages on my cell.

More alarms going off.

When he finally got me, we had a long discussion during which he accused me of being insincere (by saying he was cute, which he considered to be a non-compliment) and snobby (I'm not exactly sure where that one came from).

Alarm bells ringing everywhere.

So, I don't want to be the bad guy by telling him I'm going to cancel. I figured we hadn't actually gone out yet and I might like him better in person. Besides, when I called a friend to discuss this, he made it seem like I was being too judgmental and that I was looking for ways to sabotage the date before going on it.

I agreed to meet the kid for coffee. That was fine. He's funny, cute, likeable . . . but not what I'm looking for. He's too talkative (i.e. he never shut up), too young, too "on" all the time (the stand-up comedy thing again . . . the funny stories were never spontaneous and rarely had anything to do with what he had been talking about even though all of his stories started with "it's like when . . ."); we just didn't click. Or perhaps I just didn't.

Well, that wasn't what he wanted to hear. He told me I was blowing him off because I wasn't attracted to him, that I was a liar, a game player, arrogant, snobbish, too quiet, insensitive, too slow to anger (I have no idea how this is a bad thing, but whatever); you name something bad and I was it.

Being a good Southern boy, I didn't feel like I could just stand up and walk out of the restaurant (yes, he gave his little diatribe about my faults at a restaurant . . . not too loudly, but I was on edge thinking he was going to go all Joan Collins on me). So I let him say his piece then I got the hell out of there.

And a good time was had by none.

Then I had to go to the old apartment and pack.

Top o'the world, ma!!!!!!

So this has led to a change in one of my dating rules. I have had for several years what I call my "Oedipus Rex" rule. I don't date anyone old enough to be my parent or young enough to be my child. My basic cut off is 15 years in either direction. I've only broken this once and it didn't work out. (n.b. When I created this rule, I was in college and being hit on by old guys . . . you know, in their thirties. It never occurred to me that I'd ever really be old enough to have to think about the 15 years younger part of it. And in fact, until a couple of years ago, dating anyone 15 years younger than me would have involved prison time).

Well, my new rule is that I'm narrowing it down further. I think 7 years younger is probably a decent cut off (I'll keep the 15 years older). Not that I think there are a lot of guys in their early twenties who will be mourning my decision. But I probably am a lot better off just dating guys who are closer to my age.

And who aren't psychos.

So if you're between the ages of 28 and 50 (and aren't a psycho) give me a call.