The Carpenters album is on my CD player.

I think I'm gonna be sad I think it's today, yeah. The boy that's driving me mad is going away

Hearing Karen carpenter singing that is just heartbreaking. Yes, I'm still in a Carpenters mood.

He said that living with me was bringing him down. He would never be free when I was around.

Okay, one little bummer story that this album puts me in mind of, then I'm off to the gym.

Long ago and oh so far away, I fell in love with you

In college I was in love (or rather, in LOVE) with this guy; I'll call him Lee . . . because that was his name. (and yes, I hope he reads this . . . or his wife does . . . and as tempted as I am to give out his last name, I'm not that much of a dick). He was the sun and the moon; everything to me. And he pretty much existed to jerk me around. "I can't do this; I'm straight." But when he had a drink or two, he was in my dormroom. And I could have handled being a fuck buddy. It wasn't my first choice, but I could have dealt with it.

But no, he had to tell me he loved me. He loved me! And that was it, I'd heard the words I'd been absolutely dying to hear for years. And from the guy that I was in love with. It was the happiest moment of my life.

Note the use of the word moment. Because from that point on, my life was miserable. He'd make plans with me and cancel. No call. Nothing. Then a few days later, he'd be back telling me he loved me and he was sorry for being a jerk. Then when we'd be done, he'd be off to his dorm and the same old shit would start right back up. He seemed to take some sort of cruel pleasure telling me about the other girls/guys he was sleeping with.

And I took it. For a year. And would have probably gladly taken it for even longer had I not graduated.

I saw him a few times after that, but it was really awkward. And it was clear that the love, such as it was, was gone and the friendship probably was too.

Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby?

Then he quit returning my calls, got married and that was that.

What to say to make you come again, come back to me again and play your sad guitar

And part of me still holds a torch.

Talking to myself and feeling old. Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit. Hanging around, nothing to do but frown. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. What I've got they used to call the blues. Nothing is really wrong. Feeling like I don't belong.

And when I get into one of these maudlin moods, nostalgia hits me full force and I'm back in the Lee quagmire.

Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you.

Jesus.

I'll say goodbye to love. No ever cared if I should live or die. Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by and all I know of love is how to live without it. I just can't seem to find it.

Well, if I don't go put on some Britney Spears or something of her ilk, I'm going to slit my wrists.

Hold on.

My loneliness is killing me. I must confess I still believe. When I'm not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign.

Well, crap. That didn't help at all. It's just a little dancier.

Hit me baby, one more time.

That's it. I'm going to the gym. The techno crap they play doesn't have lyrics.