Friday, November 18, 2005

We deliver f.u.

Why I'm learning to hate the Post Office

1) For the second time, a Netflix DVD hasn't arrived.

2) My postal carrier routinely mutilates my mail putting it in the mailbox.

3) My local post office (which incidentally isn't the nearest post office to where I live . . . go figure) changed its hours to 9-5. Amazingly inconvenient since I work the same hours. That leaves me four hours on Saturday when I can go pick up my packages and oversized mail. Assuming I'm in town.

4) The district manager of my post office says the hours were changed by the local postmaster. The postmaster says they were changed by the district manager.

5) A package that I sent to Zeitzeuge Mark in late October never arrived. And I didn't insure it.

6) A couple of weeks ago, while I was out of town, my mailbox got so full that even my trash-compacter of a postal carrier couldn't crush any more of my mail into it. So he ordered my mail delivery stopped. He didn't leave a note or inform me in any way. Then after a week, he brought all my mail to my place and gave it to my super.

7) They're raising the price of stamps again, instead of raising the price of sending bulk mail.

Why I'm learning to hate UPS

1) They deliver during business hours. Which is when I work.

2) They don't deliver on weekends.

3) If they can't get the package to you they ask you to come pick it up. In Queens, the location is smack dab in the middle of the dead zone with no subways, which means a cab ride on top of the shipping fee. It is also in the middle of the Queens graveyard district, and when the zombies attack, I don't want to be carrying scrapbooking supplies or porn. Um . . . not that I ever order either of those things.

All of these issues would be moot if I still had a doorman. Crap.


Michael said...

I'm willing to bet that my mailman and your mailman went to postal school together.

Mine delights in folding and crushing anything that specifically says "Do Not Bend."

Jeffrey said...

I don't know if it's true for NYC, but in Indianapolis you can grant UPS a signature waiver and they will then leave all packages for you regardless.

Jess said...

Worst case, you could have stuff shipped here, and you could come for a visit. That or we could head your way for dinner and drop it off. (Porn may require close examination to make sure it's not defective.) ;)

Lee said...

I live in an apt. complex with no office to leave oversized stuff and packages but we do have a couple of mailboxes for them by the regular boxes. That sure helps. Having lived in NYC, tho, I know that ain't possible (no room) there.

My local P.O. closes at 5 as well and recently went back to being open on Saturdays but I know the branch's number and can pester them into leaving boxes for me that need to be signed. They're SO nice! ;-)

mark said...

Good news Crash. I found the package downstairs at our complex office. They have a closet full of stuff that hasn't been delivered to people. Nice to know that they never contact anyone to tell them there's something waiting for them. Nice to know the post office, UPS or FedEx doesn't leave something on your door either.

Thank you SO much!

jwc said...

try fed ex. they're a little less crazy than UPS and far more reliable, to my mind. But of course you have to pay for that.

David said...

All delivery services suck. I'm waiting for the invention of the transport beam.

Blast said...

I feel ya. The hell with someone in the P.O "going postal" and shooting people - I'M going to go to the P.O and shoot them...

Sean said...

Arg yes UPS, who is home all day to wait on them? Ha, scrapbooking supplies & porn - you just know those zombies will be judging you!

Adam875 said...

I feel like you have my old mailman. Literally. You're not in Woodside, are you? Does he ever try to chat with you about the contents of your mail? That's especially fun when it contains porn or unemployment checks.

DAIGLE said...

Crash- Here are some options for you.

1. Bookmark thislink:USPS Complaint Form

2. Then go to here: Mailboxesetc

And may all your troubles go away. There is a shitload of locations near you and the prices for the boxes are almost the same as USPS service. You will get 24hr access to your box. Most sites have DHL,FEDEX,USPS and UPS onsite so you can do everything 1-stop-shop.

Hope that helps.


Homer said...

Oh, I'm into scrapbooking porn too! Do you have the new scissors that cut the "erect penis" design....

MzOuiser said...


At least I'm not the only one. I thought this only happened in 10025.

Oh - and you could do a whole 'nuther post on why you hate GOING to the post office too, couldn't ya?

Um... Happy Thanksgiving. I hope no packages are involved.