Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Weather Inside is Frightful

I'm Mister White Christmas
I'm Mister Snow
I'm Mister Icicle
I'm Mister Ten Below
Friends call me Snow Miser,
Whatever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
I'm too much!

Perhaps you're asking yourself, "Doesn't he realize Christmas is over?"

Yes, I do.

"Then why are your putting the lyrics to Snow Miser's song on your site?"

Because, nosey Nell, last night the boiler in my building died. No heat. No hot water.

I woke up this morning curled in a tight fetal position, completely buried under my blankets, with a scratchy throat and runny nose. And I couldn't even warm up in the shower because, as I mentioned, the water was cold as fucking ice.

Brilliant start to the day.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm changing my name from Crash to Stinky McBedhead Grumpypants III.*

You'd think, given my uncanny resemblence to a polar bear, that I'd be fine with a freezing apartment and a frigid shower. I'd just shrug it off, lumber into the kitchen, eat a seal for breakfast, and go to work.

Not so much. I hate, hate, hate being cold in the morning.

With luck, the heat will be back on tonight. And if not, at least I'll know to get up early so I can grab a shower at the gym.

*An homage to David and his neverending quest to find a new name for Goblin.


Alan said...

I don't mean to be contradictory, but as this picture clearly shows:

I, in fact, am Cold Miser (and my husband is Heat Miser).

However, neither of us is Stinky McBedhead Grumpypants III, so that's all yours. :)

palochi said...

>> You'd think, given my uncanny resemblence to a polar bear,

Poor baby. Just go out and rip a baby seal to shreds with your teeth and claws and I'm certain it'll help warm you up a bit more. :)

Andy said...

The boiler in my first apartment in NY used to break all the time. I spent a whole winter living with a hat and scarf and coat wrapped in a blanket, unable to shower. As I was 20 years old, at first I thought it was very romantic and exciting and bohemian (Mi chiamano Andy) but I got over that pretty fast. My schoolmates could tell every time I showed up for class in a hat that I hadn't showered. The *best* would be when they'd "fix" the boiler (a relative term if ever there was one) they'd turn off the water altogether and I couldn't even flush the toilet.

Crash said...

Alan: Awesome!

Palochi: Them seals is fast.

Andy: I've had some days like that, too. Luckily, not too many.

MzOuiser said...

I really hope your heat is back now!

Deviant said...

I think I made out to the Mr. White Christmas Song.

By the time we got to the Heat Miser though...let's just say that Santa wasn't the only one yelling "ho" that night.

Lee said...

Poor Mr. Grumpypants! I hope the heat's back on now.

David said...

That was me this morning. Happy Monday.

fucking boiler

Zeitzeuge said...

Mmmmm, baby seal meat....

As the rest of the nation resembles an ice cube, we on the other hand down here I think have hit almost 55 today.

Not that I'm rubbing it in or anything.

Lee said...

I gotcha beat, Mr. Zeitie-pants! We hit 80 on Monday and possibly the same for Tuesday.

Jeff said...

You didn't think the token vegetarian was going to let the seal comment pass unnoted, did you?

Please, leave the seals alone. Go rip a twink to shreds instead. They're not nearly as cute, but not nearly as fast either.