Wednesday, February 21, 2007

In a nutshell

So, I didn't get into grad school. Found out yesterday.

So let's recap:

I'm nearly forty.

I'm working at a job where my bosses tell me I'm doing a good job, but then blithely shrug their shoulders when I point out that people with less experience at smaller companies make more than I do.

Last year I began interviewing for any jobs that opened up in my current field (a very limited number) and didn't get any of them.

Jobs in theatre pay about half what I make now.

I didn't get into grad school.

I'm alone.

I am profoundly unhappy with just about every aspect of my life.

Yep, the future's so bright, I've gotta wear shades.


David said...

That's very rough. :(

David said...

Another comment from me. As rough as it is (and these are all stunning blows), it seems as if extended despair is not the desired response. I know that's easy to say, and it is not meant to take away from your very real issues, but you know it's true.

Crash said...

Fear not. This is not extended despair. I am merely wallowing in a little self-pity. Frankly, I think I'm entitled to it for a day or two.

But just in case you think that's all I'm doing, my goal for the day is to apply for three theatre jobs I found listed that I think are right for me. I would rather be poor than spend another year at my current job.

Norskybear said...

Take it from me, who hasn't had a paycheck in over six months, it's much better to be doing something you love rather than something that sucks away at your soul each day.

We love you anyway, for richer or poorer.

palochi said...

At least you don't have an apartment full of cats... yet? :-)

Grad school is highly overrated, IMO. I know plenty of people with their MBAs, MFAs, Mwhatever, who are still in crap jobs making little money.

Norskybear's comment is a good one. That's your challenge here (and mine and a lot of others we know). How do you find the "something" to do with your life that doesn't suck away at your soul?

Don't make me go all "Babylon 5: Crusade" on your ass and throw "the questions" at you. Bad sci-fi show, but a good philosophy to follow in the opening credits.

I'm sorry about grad school. I know you worked really hard to get there.

However, I have this theory - if something's not the direction we really want to be moving towards, no matter how much we think or tell ourselves we want (or should have or need) it, occasionally our subconscious deals with it for us by doing something to keep us from achieving it.

Working in a law office and pushing through grad school on the side or going to the theatre everyday... hmmm...

All the money in the world can't replace what gets sucked out of you. Money isn't everything. We all figure that out eventually.

David said...

I have no trouble with temporary self-pity or the brief mourning of an idea that didn't come to fruition. But after that period... well, you're too good to give up on your dreams, even though they might not come about in the way you originally envisioned. I think the comment about the subconscious is accurate.

Patrick said... bright note...You still have your hair.

Crash said...

Sadly, Patrick, ear- and back- doesn't count.

Jase said...

Too bad about grad school...

...but if you learn anything from American Idol, you can always try again next year! :)

In the meanwhile, glad to hear you have more going on!

Brian said...


Jess said...

Even before our chat this afternoon, I knew you'd push on. That's the main thing. This sucks, but roll with the punches and move forward.

We know how great you are! If some admissions people missed that, it's their loss!

LSL said...

I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I always appreciate the really real stuff, even if it's hard. I'm sorry that you didn't get into grad school. And I'm so sorry that your current job sucks.

I have an MBA and I've been out of work for nine months. Today was a particularly rough day in terms of the job search, so I just appreciated reading you tell it like it is. I guess I just keep telling myself that you never know what could be right around the corner. Here's hoping it's good stuff.

Lee said...

Sorry to hear about grad school!! Good luck with the theatre possibilities!

Andy said...

Move with me to Oregon!

Tuna Girl said...

Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry to hear about grad school. Hug.

MzOuiser said...

Sorry I'm so late reading this. Like LSL, I needed to see this. I feel like this SO OFTEN, even though I'm in a good relationship. It makes me feel I'm not a worthwhile person. And I know that's a load of crap.

I echo everyone's sentiments. You're freaking smart, and I think you've got plenty o'education. Although it just sucks being rejected. I feel ya there.

40 is NOT OLD.

The workforce is a shitty place, but you seem to make the best of things. I really admire that. I'm working on getting better at that.

Love you.

James said...

Keep trying hon, you'll get to where you want to go. And yes, 40 is not old so S.T.F.U.

Maddog said...

Sorry to hear about grad school. That sucks. Know how you feel abou the job situation. The only job in my sights is one in Iowa that I KNOW that I don't want. But is it better to have a job that I don't want in my field in Iowa, or be temping in NYC? I'm not sure.