Thursday, November 30, 2006

Essay Question

Chocolate Covered Mint Oreos: Proof of the Existence of a Divine and Merciful Creator?


School Daze

On Saturday, I'll be taking the GRE. For the record, the last time I took this particular exam was in the late '80s. On the practice exams, my verbal skills have been just peachy. My math scores, however . . . well, let's just say I'd be riding to school on the short bus. Or maybe I'd be the head cheerleader. To-may-to, to-mah-to.

I've been trying to teach myself basic math for the last few days. That explains why it is almost one in the morning and I'm just now going to bed. It also explains why I will probably be dreaming of complex fractions and geometry.

I can't wait for this crap to be over.

I love math. I really do. There is a certain beauty in the symmetry and logic of numbers. However, that doesn't help me when I can't remember how to calculate the area of a circle.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's just that I'm horribly busy right now. Not so much with work, but with real life stuff. Things will slow down soon, but for now, I'm miserable.

Anyway, I'll write when I can.

BTW, I'm throwing myself a little birthday party at Splash next Monday (the 4th) at 6pm. Anyone interested? And yes, I'm aware that I just said I was horribly busy. But come on, if I can't take an evening to celebrate my birthday, I'll go crazy.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Now Rumsfeld has resigned.

I'm totally doing a happy dance in my office right now.

If the next announcement is that someone discovered pictures of Tom DeLay wearing women's clothing, my head will probably explode.

WOO HOO!!!!!!!

Ding Dong! The Witch is dead.
Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead.
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below.
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!

Rick Santorum has been voted out of office. I hope this is the first of a long string of concession speeches he will give over the course of his life.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Strangers on a Train

Based on what I saw on the train today, it appears Boyfriend 101 Guy has moved on to a new book. Another self-help book. I am intrigued.

And speaking of people who are on my train, I thought I'd introduce you to a few of the other regulars who make my life interesting during my morning commute.

Gilmore Guy - A goodlooking fellow who looks just like an older version of Matt Czuchry who plays Logan on Gilmore Girls (yes, I watch it . . . don't you judge me).

Angry Black Doug - This guy works at some delivery service and is always wearing his polyester shirt/shorts combo. I call him black Doug because he looks like a black version of Doug Heffernan the IPS delivery guy on King of Queens. I call him angry because he curses and mutters to himself whenever the train is held in the station or is delayed for any reason. If it goes on long enough, he starts yelling that he's in a hurry and he's got a job and they're making him late. Then he storms off the train at his station, shoving people out of the way. Angry Black Doug really needs to leave his house about ten minutes earlier every day. Or he needs to get laid.

Hoochie Mama - A rather zaftig woman who wears very, very, very tight low-rise jeans and works them. In her world, she is the sexiest thing there is. And I have to admire her for that.

The Redhead - He's hot. When he's on the train, he's the only person on the train.

Ms. Swan - A look-alike for Ms. Swan from Mad TV.

These are just the ones I've noticed for one reason or another.

When will it end?

You know that commercial for the fake boner pills that features the guy with the creepy smile (Smiling Bob according to the commercial) and the insipid whistled tune that goes on and on and on and on . . . ?

Well, since they show that commercial on LOGO every, I don't know, six minutes or so, it's been stuck in my head for two days. Two frakkin' days.

So today's question for my readers (yes, both of you): When you get a song stuck in your head, how do you unstick it?

Me, I normally start humming the I Dream of Jeannie theme. It bumps things out of my head, but doesn't stick. Sadly, Smiling Bob's Boner Theme seems to be impervious.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


While watching Lost last night, it occured to me. I don't care anymore.

I don't care what the mystery of the island is. I don't care if Jack gets free from the Others. I don't care if Kate does/doesn't love Sawyer.

I used to really enjoy the show, but now it's like getting hit in the head with a hammer.

So until Sawyer finally power-fucks the attitude out of Jack, or Phil Silvers shows up on the island and puts on a musical version of Hamlet set to the music from Carmen, I'm done.