Thursday, April 26, 2007

Oh, come on!

Okay. Patrick is back in the hosptial. And I just found out that my friend Stuff has been in a hospital in Hong Kong for the last week with something the doctors can't diagnose.

Bugger.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Look on the sunny side

So the last week and a half has been like a series of swift kicks to the nuts. Today's news is that one of my former rugby teammates died unexpectedly. He was a really good kid, and I'm absolutely gutted.

So here's the deal. I need some good news. Please, please, please leave a comment and let me know something good that is happening in your life. It doesn't matter what it is. I just really need to hear something happy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Actually knowing kind of sucks, too.

The phone call was bad. One of my oldest friends (we've known each other nearly 30 years) tried to kill herself on Monday. She refused psychiatric treatment, so her family had to have her involuntarily committed. She told everyone that she is just going to try again as soon as they let her out.

She's had a really, really rough time the last several years, and she's been depressed, though I had no idea how badly.

Naturally, I'm turning this all around on myself right now. Maybe if I'd called more often. Maybe if I'd gone home to visit. Maybe if I'd just paid more attention to the signs. All that bullshit.

I found all this out yesterday afternoon. I went home after visiting Patrick and went to bed. Basically 3-4 hours early. That's how my body/mind copes with things . . . by shutting down.

Today, everything is an effort. Waking, dressing, being at work. Everything seems hazy and I'm so fucking tired.

I wish it were the weekend already.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It's the not knowing that's the worst

Today's theme appears to be "we'll get back to you."

I'm waiting to find out how Patrick is doing after his surgery.

I'm waiting to find out if I got the new job.

I'm waiting to hear back from a friend from back home who left a message on my phone at 6 a.m. saying she needed to talk to me about a mutual friend and asked me to call her back as soon as possible. She wasn't home so I had to leave a message.

I'm waiting to hear if anyone is going to attend this Porno Bingo thing that I have to go to tomorrow, since one of my not-for-profits is the beneficiary. As it stands now, it doesn't look like it will be well attended.

As much as I hate the waiting, I also hate the thought that some of the answers to the questions could be bad.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Meme

Taken from Timothy.

ONE. WORD. MEME.

1. Where is your cell phone? Backpack.
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/S.O.? Theoretical.
3. Your hair? Corporate.
4. Your mother? Wonderful.
5. Your father? Frustrated.
6. Your favorite item? Books.
7. Your dream last night? Political.
8. Your favorite drink? Lemonade.
9. Your dream car? Limo.
10. The room you are in? White.
11. Your ex? Nonexistent.
12. Your fear? Failure.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Better.
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Friends.
15. What you’re not? Fearless.
16. The last thing you did? E-mailed.
17. What are you wearing? Khakis.
18. Your favorite book? Many.
19. The last thing you ate? Lunch.
20. Your life? Uneventful.
21. Your mood? Anxious.
22. Your friends? Busy.
23. What are you thinking about right now? Assignments.
24. Your car? Subway.
25. What are you doing at the moment? Typing.
26. Your summer? Hot.
27. Your relationship status? Alone.
28. What is on your TV? Dust.
29. When is the last time you laughed? Today.
30. Last time you cried? Recently.
31. School? Work.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

And speaking of events . . . GB:NY4!!!!!!

GB:NY4, May 25-28

Details to follow.

And as an homage to the various IV movies out there, here are some possible taglines for us to use (let me know which one you like the best):

Get ready for the next world war (Rocky IV)

Three Times Before You Have Felt The Terror, Known The Madness, Lived The Horror. But This Is The One You've Been Screaming For. (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)

On land, on sea, or in the air, no place is safe from them! (Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol)

It's ancient wisdom against teenage spunk. (The Next Karate Kid)

They said it was over. They were wrong. (Omen IV: The Awakening)

The erotic masterpiece (Emmanuelle IV)

Pure Evil Never Really Dies (Nightmare on Elm Street 4)

While I think the quote from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter is the most appropriate, I'm really leaning toward The Next Karate Kid. Go figure.

Now, start spreading the news so we have lots of people attending.

Come to this event!

The RSVP deadline was yesterday, but it's not too late.

From my friend David:

Dear Friends: I hope you can join me on Wed, April 11 to help launch a big event for my new pet GLBT charity - The Trevor Project. This event is FREE, but we hope you'll consider buying a ticket for our big summer gala dinner and award show on June 25th. We'll have more info on tickets, performers and honorees at the kick-off party - but trust me, they're BIG!

RSVP to events@thetrevorproject.org!

The Trevor Project is a non-profit organization that operates the only nationwide, around-the-clock suicide prevention helpline for gay and questioning youth. The Trevor Helpline, 866.4.U.TREVOR, is a free and confidential service that offers hope through its trained counselors. The organization was founded by three filmmakers whose film, Trevor, about a teenager who attempts suicide after realizing that he might be gay, received the 1994 Academy Award® for Best Short Film (Live Action).

Wed, April 11
7 - 10pm
Ultra
37 West 26th St.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Escape from Wolfram & Hart

I've been called in for a second interview for the job I applied for a couple of weeks ago.

Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

My job

Today's things I hate about working at Wolfram & Hart*:

1) None of the fraking equipment works (two fax machines on my floor . . . neither works).

2) The first year associates make (after bonus) triple what I make. And I make less than my colleagues at other firms.

3) The Senior Partners expect me to place all their pet projects, but won't back me up when I need to place real work.

4) Lawyers get new chairs every year. I've had three in the last decade. And the third one (my current one), I had to steal from an empty office.


*Sorry for the Angel reference, but at times I'm fairly certain they based that firm on mine.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Feeling Better

I'm alive. Still feeling a little worn down, but that's how it goes.

Also, Bravo has been showing the final episode of Six Feet Under (I've seen it three times in the last week). Very emotional. Still makes me cry a little.

Anyway, pictures of my newly beardless chin will follow soon.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Sick

So I've been sick for the last couple of days. Food poisoning, I think. (For those of you who saw The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, think of the "can you use it in a sentence?" answer for 'dengue.')

Pros of food poisoning
1) Rapid weight loss (six pounds in two days)
2) Not having to go to work
3) Sleeping . . . lots and lots of sleeping

Cons of food poisoning
1) Running for the bathroom every 30 minutes or so
2) Dehydration headaches
3) Every part of my body hurting

While I feel much better today, I also feel really weak. I got winded walking up the subway stairs and right now I feel like I could put my head down on my desk and fall asleep.

Luckily, I can rest this weekend.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Frakity frak frak frak

So how good was last night's episode of Battlestar Galactica?

And how pissed am I that there are no new episodes until 2008?

Monday, March 19, 2007

Feeling good

I submitted a resume for a similar job to the one I have now. Two hours later, I got a call asking if I can interview this week.

Sweet.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

What I did this weekend

1. Walked out of a play at intermission for only the second time in my life. Sure, I've wanted to other times, but usually at shows I've been reviewing, so I couldn't.

2. Ate dim sum with Jase, Charles, Patrick, and David. Mmmm . . . tripelicious.

3. Shaved. First time in years I've been without facial hair. Um . . . wow. Not sure how I feel about it yet.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Much better

Tylenol PM. That did the trick last night. It was the first uninterrupted night's sleep I've had in ages. I feel much better today.

It may also be because I got a jolt of inspiration for a short play that I'm going to submit for a ten-minute play contest. Started working on it last night and will have it ready to let some people read it by Monday.

I also started a new poem.

Man, having the creative juices flowing, so to speak, really does wonders for my mood.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Insomnia

So I've been having major trouble sleeping. Going to bed around 1. Not falling asleep until 2. Waking up every hour or so. Pain in the ass.

On the up side, I was watching Frasier last night and saw an episode that had T.R. Knight for maybe a minute as one of his patients. The show also had Sarah Silverman, Missi Pyle, and Dan Castellaneta.

It was only an okay episode, but how is that for guest stars?

Monday, March 12, 2007

The rule of three

I remember reading a book (gay fiction, natch) that had the following life lesson: you can have two of the three following things at any one time - a good job, a good apartment, a good relationship.

Now, my self-esteem being what it is, I've always believed I could have one of the three things at any time. When I moved to NY, I had a good apartment, the job was brutal, and I was alone. By the time the apartment got to be too much to handle (I had four roommates), I was liking the job, but I was still alone. When I moved to Chelsea, I loved the apartment, hated the job, and was alone.

Now I find myself hating my job, hating my apartment, and alone.

Bollocks.

The problem, of course, boils down to fear. I am scared to leave the security of my current job, I'm scared to go through the interviewing process, I'm scared to put myself out there. Same can be said for apartment and boyfriend hunting.

I'm not one to take chances. A great line from Wicked, "those who don't try/never look foolish." I spent my childhood being the one who was laughed at and made fun of. Naturally, I'm a little gun-shy nowadays.

So how do I beat that? How do I force myself to take the risks that I have to take? How do I keep from living my life in a safe monotonous rut?

Well, I've been applying for jobs, both in my current field (one opened up today) and in theatre. The apartment thing . . . well, I'm not going to worry about that for now. I think if I get myself in a good place as far as work, I'll care less about the apartment.

The boyfriend . . . I'm not sure I can tackle that one yet. The best I can do right now is to be more social. Go out with friends at least once a week. Maybe get involved in a new activity. I'd love to find a writing group to join.

We'll see, I suppose.

In the meantime, if anyone wants to hang out sometime, let me know. I need to get out of my house and out of my head.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Lambda Literary Awards Finalists

Here is a list of the Lambda Lit finalists. I'm psyched that I know several of the authors. Run out an buy a few books.

Nominees for ANTHOLOGY
Confessions of the Other Mother, edited by Harlyn Aizley (Beacon)
From Boys to Men, edited by Ted Gideonse & Rob Williams (Carroll & Graf)
Love, Bourbon Street, edited by Greg Herren & Paul J. Willis (Alyson)
Charmed Lives, edited by Toby Johnson & Steve Berman (Lethe Press)
No Margins: Writing Canadian Fiction in Lesbian, edited by Catherine Lake & Nairne Holtz (Insomniac)

Nominees for ARTS & CULTURE
Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (Houghton Mifflin)
Cinemachismo by Sergio de la Mora (University of Texas Press)
Sex Objects by Jennifer Doyle (University of Minnesota Press)
GAY L.A. by Lillian Faderman & Stuart Timmons (Basic Books)
Blood Beats: Vol 1 by Ernest Hardy (Redbone Press)

Nominees for BISEXUAL
Eros by Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio (Harrington Park Press)
Affirmative Psychotherapy with Bisexual Women & Bisexual Men by Ronald C. Fox (Harrington Park Press)
Three Sides to Every Story by Clarence Nero (Harlem Moon/Doubleday)
Bi Guys, edited by Ron Jackson Suresha (Harrington Park Press)
Bi Men, edited by Ron Jackson Suresha & Pete Chvany (Harrington Park Press)
The Bisexual's Guide to the Universe, Michael Szymanski & Nicole Kristal (Alyson)

Nominees for CHILDRENS/YOUNG ADULT
The Manny Files by Christian Burch (Simon & Schuster)
Full Spectrum, edited by David Levithan & Billy Merrell (Random House Children's Books)
Between Mom & Jo by Julie Anne Peters (Little Brown)
Tale of Two Summers by Brian Sloan (Simon & Schuster)
Erik & Isabelle's Junior Year at Foresthill High by Kim Wallace (Foglight Press)

Nominees for DRAMA/THEATER
Questa by Victor Bumbalo (Broadway Publishing Inc.)
Confessions of a Mormon Boy by Stephen Fales (Alyson)
1001 Beds by Tim Miller (University of Wisconsin)

Nominees for HUMOR
Queen of the Oddballs by Hilary Carlip (HarperCollins)
My Lucky Star by Joe Keenan (Little Brown)
Roy & Al by Ralf Konig (Arsenal Pulp Press)

Nominees for LGBT NONFICTION
Hello, Cruel World by Kate Bornstein (Seven Stories)
GAY L.A. by Lillian Faderman & Stuart Timmons (Basic Books)
Different Daughters by Marcia Gallo (Carroll & Graf)
Behind the Mask of the Mattachine by James T. Sears (Harrington Park Press)
Unspeakable Love by Brian Whitaker (University of California)

Nominees for LGBT STUDIES
Every Inch A Man: Phallic Possession, etc. by Carellin Brooks (UBC Press)
Gay Power: An American Revolution by David Eisenbach (Carroll & Graf)
Their Own Receive Them Not by Horace Griffin (Pilgrim Press)
Crip Theory by Robert McRuer (NYU Press)
Beautiful Bottom, Beautiful Shame by Kathryn Stockton (Duke University Press)

Nominees for SCI-FI/FANTASY/HORROR
Carnival by Elizabeth Bear (Bantam Spectra)
Mordred, Bastard Son by Douglas Clegg (Alyson)
A Strong and Sudden Thaw by R.W. Day (Iris Print)
Izzy and Eve by Neal Drinnan (Green Candy Press)
Spin Control by Chris Moriarty (Bantam Spectra)

Nominees for SPIRITUALITY
Sex & the Sacred by Daniel Helminiak (Harrington Park Press)
The After-Death Room by Michael McColly (Soft Skull Press)
Spirited edited by Lisa Moore & G. Winston James (Redbone Press)
The Singing of Swans by Mary Saracino (Pearlsong Press )
Mobius Trip by Giti Thadani (Spinifex Press)

Nominees for TRANSGENDER
Transgender Rights edited Paisley Currah, Richard M. Juang, and Shannon Price Minter (University of Minnesota Press)
Drag King Dreams by Leslie Feinberg (Carroll & Graf)
Supervillainz by Alicia E. Goranson (Suspect Thoughts)
The Transgender Studies Reader edited by Susan Stryker & Chris Whittle (Routledge)
The Testosterone Files by Max Wolf Valerio (Seal Press)

Nominees for LESBIAN FICTION
Punk Like Me by JD Glass (Bold Strokes)
Slipstream by Leslie Larson (Crown)
Outrageous by Sheila Ortiz Taylor (Spinsters Ink)
Rose of No Man's Land by Michelle Tea (Macadam Cage)
The Night Watch by Sarah Waters (Riverhead Books)

Nominees for LESBIAN ROMANCE
Fresh Tracks by Georgia Beers (Bold Strokes)
Wild Abandon by Ronica Black (Bold Strokes)
Finders Keepers by Karin Kallmaker (Bella Books)
Chance by Grace Lennox (Bold Strokes)
Turn Back Time by Radclyffe (Bold Strokes)

Nominees for LESBIAN MYSTERY
Sleep of Reason by Rose Beecham, Rose (Bold Strokes)
Night Vision by Ellen Hart (St. Martins)
The Art of Detection by Laurie R. King (Bantam)
Idaho Code by Joan Opyr (Bywater Books)
The Weekend Visitor by Jessica Thomas (Bella Books)

Nominees for LESBIAN POETRY
Domain of Perfect Affection by Robin Becker (University of Pittsburgh)
Days of Good Looks by Cheryl Clarke (Carroll & Graf)
The Truant Lover by Juliet Patterson (Nightboat Books)
Lemon Hound by Sina Queyras (Coach House Books)
Touch to Affliction by Nathalie Stephens (Coach House Books)

Nominees for LESBIAN MEMOIR/BIOGRAPHY
Intimate Politics by Bettina Aptheker (Seal Press)
Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (Houghton Mifflin)
Queen of the Oddballs by Hilary Carlip (HarperCollins)
Hit by a Farm by Catherine Friend (Carroll & Graf)
Incognito Street by Barbara Sjoholm (Seal Press)

Nominees for LESBIAN EROTICA
Walk Like a Man by Laurinda D. Brown (Q-Boro Books)
Glamour Girls edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Harrington Park Press)
18th & Castro by Karin Kallmaker (Bella Books)
Master Han's Daughter by Midori (Circlet Press)
Best Lesbian Erotica 2007 edited by Tristan Taromino & Emma Donoghue (Cleis Press)

Nominees for LESBIAN DEBUT FICTION
The Teahouse Fire by Ellis Avery (Riverhead)Black Marks by Kirsten Dinnall Hoyte (Akashic)
Erzulie's Skirt by Ana-Maurine Lara (Redbone Press)
Slipstream by Leslie Larson (Crown)
Origami Striptease by Peggy Munson (Suspect Thoughts)

Nominees for GAY FICTION
Every Visible Thing by Lisa Carey (HarperCollins)
Izzy and Eve by Neal Drinnan (Green Candy Press)
Alternatives to Sex by Stephen McCauley (Simon & Schuster)
Now Is the Hour by Tom Spanbauer (Houghton Mifflin)
Suspension by Robert Westfield (HarperCollins)

Nominees for GAY ROMANCE
Someone Like You by Timothy James Beck (Kensington)
When the Stars Come Out by Rob Byrnes (Kensington)
Two Boys in Love by Lawrence Schimel (Seventh Window)
Surf 'N Turf by Scott & Scott (Romenticc)
Going Down in La-La Land by Andy Zeffer (Harrington Park Press)

Nominees for GAY MYSTERY
Mardi Gras Mambo by Greg Herren (Kensington)
The Hell You Say by Josh Lanyon (I-Universe)
The Back Passage by James Lear (Cleis Press)
Provincetown Follies, Bangkok Blues by Randall Peffer (Bleak House Books)
The Lucky Elephant Restaurant by Garry Ryan (NeWest Press)

Nominees for GAY POETRY
Gutted by Justin Chin (Manic D Press)
The Album That Changed My Life by Jeffrey Conway (Cold Calm Press)
A History of My Tattoo by Jim Elledge (Stonewall)
Other Fugitives & Other Strangers by Rigoberto Gonzalez (Tupelo Press)
When the Eye Forms by Dwaine Rieves (Tupelo)

Nominees for GAY MEMOIR/BIOGRAPHY
Untold Stories by Alan Bennett (FSG)
The Bill From My Father by Bernard Cooper (Simon & Schuster)
Tweaked by Patrick Moore (Kensington)
History of Swimming by Kim Powers (Carroll & Graf)
My Father's Keeper by Jonathan Silin (Beacon)

Nominees for GAY EROTICA
Best Gay Erotica 2007 edited by Richard Labonte & Timothy J. Lambert (Cleis Press)
A History of Barbed Wire by Jeff Mann (Suspect Thoughts)
Hot On His Trail by Zavo (Alyson)

Nominees for GAY DEBUT FICTION
A Scarecrow's Bible by Martin Hyatt (Suspect Thoughts)
Send Me by Patrick Ryan (Dial Press)
The Zookeeper by Alex MacLennan (Alyson)
Suspension by Robert Westfield (HarperCollins)
5 Minutes & 42 Seconds by Timothy Williams (HarperCollins)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

From Today's TV Listings

Lost - Sawyer competes in a pingpong competition to get back his belongings.

Seriously, I am over this show.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Theatre recommendation

For those of you in Washington DC or who will be visiting, there is a great show at the Warehouse Theatre, Writer's Cramp by John Byrne. Very, very funny (kind of like Joe Orton) and a really talented cast.

Check it out.